Getting started
All of the following we have learnt out of making mistakes. We still apply most if not all into our relationship because we have experienced that marriage can be enjoyed rather than having to be endured! Dip into these on an occasional basis and do let us know how you get on and any others that you have found useful – thanks.
- Marriage is not thinking alike, but thinking together.
- Go out for coffee and reminisce about a day/date/special event you both had that you will never forget.
- Eat out at a different type of restaurant for dinner – Italian, Indian, fish etc.
- By being flexible in your marriage you will help to deepen your relationship together.
- When you place your marriage first, everything else will fall into place.
- You will need learn to trust and to be trustworthy.
- Learn to listen to each other. Listen to how he/she feels about his/her greatest hopes for the future. Listen to how he/she feels about his/her childhood.
- The oil that lubricates any love relationship is forgiveness.
- Forgiveness begins with a simple decision, an act of the will.
- Do not criticize your husband/wife in front of others.
- Learn how to simply appreciate one another.
- Discover that you are not only husband and wife, but also best friends.
- Have a common faith foundation.
- Husbands love your wife, wife respect your husband.
- Talk about what each of you thinks is “romantic.”
- When forgiveness is truly necessary, forgive as quickly as you can.
- Hey Guys, realize that offering a listening ear is all a woman needs at times!
- To build your marriage on a solid base think and talk in terms of “forever” and “till death parts us”.
- Some bright spark has discovered that a hug causes energizing oxygen to course through your body!
- If criticism drips unchecked then love dies by inches.
- It has been said that commitment creates an island of certainty in swirling waters.
- Listen to how she feels about the amount of time you spend with her.
- He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor. Proverbs 21:21
- Don’t miss a birthday or special day. Write them on a calendar.
- A neglected wife can never be ‘warmed up’ by technique or atmosphere; she needs your time and attention.
- Put the best effort into the communication system within your marriage.
- Make a list of things you do together that bring you joy and set dates to do them.
- Have a “just for two” candlelight dinner.
- Warm ‘hellos’ and tender ‘good-byes’ are the best greetings and farewells.
- By giving your husband space when he needs it will gain you a happier husband, but don’t try to understand why!
- It is always the little things that really matter.
- Get rid of habits that annoy and tell her that you love her – often.
- A husband’s basic need is to be told that you respect and admire him.
- Deepen your marriage relationship by encouraging and praising your wife.
- A gift will make your spouse feel loved, not because of the cost but because of the thought that goes into it Wives appreciate things that are romantic and build deeper relationships.
- Wives appreciate things that are romantic and build deeper relationships.
- Write him/her a love letter for Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter!
- Offer to take the kids out on Saturday.
- Each of you set aside some quiet time for yourself with the other looking after the children.
- Your home should be one that you both enjoy and feel free to invite people into.
- Give your marriage mate your time and attention before anything else.
- By giving each other daily acts of care, concern, love, listening and personal attention you will create a romantic environment.
- Often bring to your remembrance what you first loved about each other.
- Spend “quality” time together each day just for you two.
- Seek ways to be alone together out of the home (i.e. take one week’s holiday as odd days through the year and be together, perhaps using a day towards a long weekend away).
- Plan things together.
- Surprise each other with small gifts.
- Say “thank you” for something your marriage mate has done which usually you take for granted (like to her for a meal you have enjoyed – to him for some decorating just completed).
- Never nag (either partner).
- Never be negative about your spouse – especially in front of others or behind his/her back.
- Don’t listen to criticism of your partner from anyone – even more so from parents or in-laws.
- Never say anything to anyone about your spouse that you would not say to him/her to his or her face.
- Greet each other with a kiss.
- Always kiss goodbye.
- Cuddle often.
- When arriving home greet your marriage mate before children, cat, dog etc.
- Do not prefer your career above your family.
- Husbands learn how to be in love with your wife. Then apply it to her – and tell her of your love. Wives learn, and apply, respect for your husband.
- Laugh together, after all “laughter is the best medicine”.
- Be a best friend to the one you love.
- Seek forgiveness, repent if necessary, restore when required.
- Recognize no one is perfect yet! He/she has faults as you do.
- There will always be differences between your both – your aims, ambitions and desires. Only together can these be accomplished.
- Work out finances together, but husbands take the weight of responsibility in this area.
- Husbands guide your household.
- Together make the house into a home.
- God has designed marriage to be a happy, joyful, lasting and rewarding relationship. If you have anything less you are being robbed.
- Share each one another’s burdens, hopes, desires etc., no matter how “silly” they may seem.
- Do show your love and affection to each other before your children. This way they will learn the real thing and not what is often portrayed on TV and in novels. They in turn will apply it into their marriage.
- Never argue or have quarrels in front of your children.
- Both agree before starting a family and before additional children are conceived.
- Communicate in love often.
- Don’t “bury” issues – they will surface somewhere at some time.
- Be open towards each other – never hide things.
- Use endearments as part of ordinary speech.
- Do not use phrases like “the old bag”, “my old man (or woman)”, “he (or she) is useless”.
- First look at his/her good points before considering the few bad ones.
- Husbands encourage your wife; tell her that she looks good.
- Husbands recognize the effect the menstrual cycle will have on your wife. Anticipate her period and understand her through it.
- Prepare for each other’s coming home.
- Try not communicate across a room but rather sit on a comfortable seat together.
- When out hold hands or walk arm-in-arm together.
- With children at home (especially small ones) the first adult conversation your wife will probably have all day is with you as you come home from work. Give her time and space to express herself.
- No one has yet won any gold medals for dusting ability or fuse mending, yet each is a part of making a home welcoming.
- Most jobs eventually get boring, dull and repetitive. Marriage is the thing that gives life its zest and meaning.
- Go window-shopping in another town, that way you will find your spouse’s likes and dislikes.
- Express appreciation.
- Be courteous.
- Celebrate special events – and invent a few!
- Develop a circle of babysitters.
- Put realistic times together in your diaries – don’t leave them to chance.
- Seek out holidays/vacations that not only combine fun for the children but also allow time for just you two.
- Unplug the TV and the computer and simply spend time enjoying and appreciating each other.
- Make the most of unexpected opportunities.
- As individuals do not take on too many activities outside the home. When any are taken on only do so after discussion between you both as to time involvement, demands etc.
- Never allow children into the bedroom without knocking, consider a small bolt on the door.
- Never allow your parents a key and free access to your house.
- Share chores – no “that’s your job/my job” mentality.
- Take a bubble bath together with candles and wine!
- If you have a faith, pray regularly together.
- Cook a meal for her, and then do the washing up.
- Phone him/her up from work just to tell her you love them.
- Take a cookery class together.
- Quickly learn how to resolve issues – do not bury them as they will come up somewhere, sometime, somehow!
- When it comes to making love recognize that he is a microwave and she is an oven!
- For those who have inherited a family through re-marriage the foregoing is even more important and will need much attention in the early days.
- Marriage has been described as “The toughest job you will ever love.”
The above could be viewed as a list of do’s and don’ts – it is not. It is what we are finding to be the ingredients of an onward moving and growing relationship. It is shared with you with the prayerful hope that it will help you and your children build a good marriage and family together. No doubt you will be able to add to it in the future.